A friend asked me to do a paper on marriage, considering I have been married forty years, and I seem to have the gift of teaching.
Well, I suppose I could cover the roles of the wife as well as the husband; that would be constructive.
But I would rather share my story with you.
As a young bride of twenty-four years old, I figured I had all the answers as well as all the maturity needed to be a great wife.
Dave my husband was a week from turning twenty-six, now that was a man of great maturity. He was my best-friend, and very well versed in the issues of the day, as well as having a wonderful command of the English language. What more could I ask in a husband?
I had been married previous to this, and had a four year old "perfect" little girl.
We had a very quiet, simple wedding considering it was my second marriage; in those days it was unheard of for the bride to wear a wedding gown of white for her second marriage.
It was about a month into this wedded bliss that I decided we wouldn't last six months!
My goodness, what a thing to say, let alone believe. Well, second
marriages with children are not easy let me assure you, that coupled with two immature "kids" thinking they each had it all together, and the bride full of pain and fear oh dear...
Let it suffice to say, when he tried to tell me no on something, I would make sure I did just the opposite, letting him know I did it and tough if he didn't like it.
As time went on I would give us six more months to work it out or I was leaving, I didn't have to take anything I didn't like! But with each six months I would again say to myself ok, it's not too bad right now, another six months will tell.
I spent a great deal of time making myself up each day, being very proud of my tiny waist and pretty face; that and keeping a clean house was all that was expected of me, I knew that much, and I wanted to be a "good wife".
Dave on the other hand wouldn't talk with me about our problems, in fact he would walk out of the house when I would get mad, which was often.
He worked longer hours then he had too, seeking the peace he didn't have at home. I really believe the poor young man honestly didn't know what to do with me. He loved me, but I was so full of pain from past abuse that I kept him at a distance.
After a time Dave quit trying to control me. It seems many young men try to "control" their young brides; what a pity. Guidance and control are not the same thing at all.
Now after thirty-one years and walking with the Lord twenty-five years; let me share with you where the Lord has brought us.
Today my husband is a strong man often operating in the gift of Word of Wisdom, and he is usually very gentle with me, guiding me and having control of his home. He is not the dictator he thought he was supposed to be, now he knows it's the job of the Holy Spirit to keep me in line.
It's his place to let me know his wishes, and if I were to choose to be rebellious, then it's his place to pray for me letting me know it's wrong.
He's much more loving today then he was all those years ago, and like I said he doesn't hesitate to let me know his will on something.
I on the other hand, have been taken to task by our loving Father. The Lord has taught me to trust my husband with everything, from buying a piece of furniture, to how my ministry is to go. Dave is my head, and I am here to help my husband, loving him and making his way as easy as possible. I am Dave's help mate.
Am I a slave without a thought of my own? haha Never! I still am a very strong minded lady, but I have learned to direct it for the Lord; most of the time..
Today as I look at my husband, I still can see the young man he once was. His hair is now gray and his beard has lost the red color I loved so much. His tummy has grown a bit, but to me he is even more handsome; then the day I married him. I adore my husband.
Now I on the other hand; am just as lovely and thin as the day we married.
Do you believe this? Of course you do right? haha
My hair is white, and I have been fighting with Lupus, Fibromyalgia, as well as a hypothyroidism for many years, and this has taken a toll on my face and body. I no longer have the pretty face and thin body I was once so "proud" of. It has been taken from me, but in it's place I have a peace and joy that no man, or disease can touch.
The picture of the couple at the top is funny; but there is truth there as well. As time passes and we lose the young beauty, we gain an inner beauty as we walk with the Lord. It's this beauty we see when we look at each other today.
I love to be kissed by my man, it always reminds me of our first kiss.. that young handsome man is still there, only now he has charm, sensitivity, and a wisdom the young man didn't have. Today he is sure of himself, as I am loving him into having control of his home.
Sisters, a man will not go into a World War everytime he wants you to do something. I am not speaking here of servitude; although in a way I am. But in a good way, since I set aside my own desires and determination to be liberated; I became more liberated then I have ever been.
Men, it's not your place to "boss" your women! A harsh man will not make the wife adore him. She may obey him but it won't be in love and tenderness. Harshness is never in order; in fact the Lord says your prayers will be hindered if you're harsh with your wife; that's very serious.
Now you may ask do we ever argue? Sure; but it's nothing serious, in fact I will usually end up laughing because it's so silly. When he forgets himself and gets a bit harsh, I go into prayer and the Lord has literally told him to treat me nicer. [When I forget and respond in temper then I have to apologize to my husband and the Lord].
But on the other hand, the Holy Spirit has told me to get off Dave's back and treat him with love and respect.
The secret of a good marriage is no secret at all. We are told to follow the Lord and He will take care of us.. Rom 8:28; Prov 3:5-7, 11-12.
I am here to tell you it works! I love my home and my family, I am a rich, prosperous woman. Not in money, although our needs are met, but we are rich in joy and peace.
We've been through a lot of trials and very hard times, but through it all we have grown closer to God, and to each other. I wouldn't trade any of our walk, not for a moment. Without the pain we wouldn't have the joy today!
All the glory is the Lord's, He is faithful and wonderful and I adore Him
Holy Lord, Elohim praise your wonderful name. Thank you for our mates and our families. Thank you for the work you are doing in each of our lives. Continue the work you have begun. Father, please put a fresh love, passion and tenderness into each heart that is married. Heal the hearts and memories that are wounded. Bring home those partners that have left, bring conviction upon each heart that is out of order. Abba put a stop to those that are setting out to destroy what you have honored. I bind and rebuke every spirit of rebellion, lust, adultry, perversion, divorce, mayhem, drug abuse, every spirit that is coming against marriages I bind and order it to get off these families now in the name of Jesus. Father hover over the marriages keeping them safe. Put a new fire in each heart for more of your words and more of you; covering each of us in your precious Blood. Thank you for protecting us and healing our memories and marriages, thank you for giving us the wisdom and grace to walk as you will have us do. We give you all the glory and honor. We adore you. Father so many of us would be divorced today if you hadn't stepped in. Without you life wouldn't be worth living. You are our banner going before us in battle Jehovah Nissi thank you; You are Jehovah Shalom the Lord our Peace, we love you abba, I love you so much, you are wonderful. In Jesus name amen