|What is fibromyalgia?
by Tracie Davis
I give an account of just one day in the life of a "fibromite"
Sleep? Oh how I long for the nights when I could sleep peacefully and awaken refreshed! It has been a very long 10 years since that last occurred. Now-a-nights, my only "sleep" is drug induced and I'm fortunate if I get 5 hours. During those 5 drug induced hours, I toss and turn fitfully rearranging the 5 pillows I use to position my body "just so".
The pain never leaves.
There are many nights, when sleep just doesn't come. On those nights, I find myself flipping through channel after channel after channel after...
One would think one could find something decent to watch in the wee hours of the morning! Occasionally I'll find a good old movie running for the umpteenth time. What does it matter-I've seen them all by now anyway.
At long last, dawn breaks. I stumble outdoors to gaze at the beauty of the sun's rising. It is one of the great joys of my life. Did you know that the birds awaken at the rising of the sun? It begins with one alerting another that God has granted them yet another day. Within a few minutes they all sing joyously making a melody that none can compare. It's simplicity I never knew before; before the day the pain came and decided to stay.
Soon, I am joined by my wonderful husband who greets me with a fresh cup of strong coffee and a kiss that speaks a thousand words. he knows that breakfast will consist of whatever can be thrown into a toaster or microwave, for mornings are always most difficult for me.
It will be 2-3 hours before I'm useful to anybody. Luckily the children are now old enough to ready themselves, but they miss the extra's that a mothers touch can give. The lunches have never been the same since the day the pain came and decided to stay.
After a handful of medicine that's large enough to take the place of any meal, it's time for the stretching of limbs that no longer want to stretch. It's as if every tissue in my body is waging a war.
Oh how I long for the days when I could complain about having to work for a living. I miss being out in the land of the living, making my own way. But they are no more for me, not since the day the pain came and decided to stay.
What will this day bring? Oh I do hope it's not another of poking and prodding and tests and yet more tests that will send me from one doctor to the next! Actually, I don't go as often as I did in the beginning for I've grown tired of hearing, "There's nothing more I can do"; ever since the day the pain came and decided to stay.
I've learned through the years that it is much better to stay active than to sit on your duff and waller in pain. Physical pain is much easier to deal with than emotional, so I have adjusted. The problem is that I tend to do too much for I fear the threat of sinking back into that deep pit of darkness. It is a darkness that only one who has visited it can understand. A place where no one dare go, for to live it is hell. So in my struggle to avoid dangerous roads, I push my body to activities beyond its baring and the vicious cycle continues its course.
The first few years were the hardest for I had not yet learned how to manage nor accept the limitations forced upon me. But by far the hardest thing was dealing with family and friends who could not understand what they could not see. Pain of fibromyalgia is unseen to the unsuspecting eye and it often causes confusion and hurt feelings. But, I've gotten past that since the day the pain first came and decided to stay.
Tis early afternoon, and I'm feeling fairly well. Well enough to do a load of laundry or maybe two. I've learned that volunteering is a good thing to do, only problem is I usually end up more on the receiving end than the doing end. I can laugh at that now, for it once was that way, but I've found these days that I can be helpful in small ways. The telephone and computer have become my great friends.
Most days I can count on about 3-4 hours of usefulness before the pain takes over again. I try and use it well. I do have a household to run after all, somebody has to do it. I try my hardest to plan my day in order that I have the ability to provide my husband and children with a hot meal after a long days work. But more often than not those hot meals are found coming out of a sack, microwave or cardboard box. I guess that's not so unusual for in this day and time it's more the norm. Yet when one has to spend day after day after day without that feeling of having accomplished something worthwhile, it begins to drag one down, down to those dangerous roads no man dares to go. But it's just that way ever since the day the pain came and decided to stay.
Evening comes and it's been a long day. Pain is at its height but I manage to take in the site. The setting of the sun produces a state of rest within my soul and I think it to be God's plan that it does so. I imagine His hand guiding it slowly to the ground to rest beneath the earth gaining strength for its morning debut. and I think about my body and all it's been through and how God gives me the strength to endure.
I could sit and ponder of all the lose in my life, but instead I choose to see all that lose has produced for me. For ever since that day first came, the day the pain came and decided to stay; I've learned of patience and hope and of joys I'd never known. For you see, God's been working on me.
Nighttime has come and darkness is all around but the light, it continues to shine bright. I close my eyes and even though I may not sleep, my mind is at rest with the thoughts of His peace. I begin my prayer with thanks to Him for all that He has done for you and for me.
And I tell Him, Dear Lord, I thank you for the pain, for it has taught me much about life and I've gained so much more since it's been around. But I ask you this night that you take it away for I've grown tired since the day the pain came and decided to stay.
Tracie Davis http://www.Christ2gather.com/
I asked Tracie for approval to add her page to my site, when I read this and saw how she expressed perfectly my days as well.
One of the worst things many of us have to deal with aside from the pain, is when family members not understanding think we're a hypochondriac. If you have a loved one with this condition I pray you'll find all you can about it and give the support needed.
The LORD did die for our healing, and He is alive for our healing, and praise God, if we don't receive the healing now then we will when we cross over. As long as we belong to the LORD Jesus Christ then it doesn't really matter does it. We all want to be healthy and free from pain, but like Tracie, I too praise God for what He has taught me through this.
Tracie has a sweet spirit, by clicking on her URL under her name you'll go to her site, and be blessed. She has several site's dealing with fibro listed as well.
If you suffer from this and would like to talk and share, please feel free to email me.
This is a relentless battle some of us have, and just knowing there are others that really understand helps a lot.
I also fight with SLE [Lupus] if you'd like to discuse this I'll be happy to answer your notes. Lupus is a real struggle in itself, and we need support from others dealing with that as well.
But like Tracie I want to encourage you to praise God, there is real power in praise and He is our provider and our Lord. Good fruits will come from all this if we'll allow the Lord to have His way in and through us.
May the Lord bless and care for each of you, He loves you so much and we must cling to His promise in Rom 8:28
Abba Father, as you look to those of us walking in pain and weakness, I pray you will breathe upon us with your healing touch. Remove that which is causing the pain and sickness, give us the strength to walk daily in your light. If this is not the chosen time for the cup to be taken from us them give us the anointing and grace to walk in your steps as you will. Use this that we have suffered for your glory, allowing us to show the world that even though our bodies are not strong our strength is mighty through you. Use us to show your church that the weak can say we are strong in you and we glory in our weakness, for in our weakness your strength is mightier in us. We love you and we lean upon you and we give you all our love. Thank you for trusting us to carry this cup and not run from you. Thank you for showing us that all our literal strength, peace and joy is in walking close to you. Encourage those struggling in their walk, and let them see they are a blessed people. Thank you and I give you all the glory, in Jesus wonderful name, Amen and amen
|Please see my note at the bottom...|